


Time To Go Home

by PFDiva



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Mourning, Other, Sad conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 14:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17024619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PFDiva/pseuds/PFDiva
Summary: Hadrian has a conversation with Samot.





	Time To Go Home

**Author's Note:**

> I know, this is jossed, but I already wrote it and I wanted to share.

Hadrian was less surprised to see Samot than he probably should have been.

Being at the last university with his family, his old friends, it felt strange, fitting like a secondhand coat. His wife hadn't seen him in almost a decade, his son was a man now when he only remembered a little boy. His friends here at the university had grown older very fast, suffering lining their faces and seeping out into their voices when there were decisions to be made.

And there were so many decisions to be made--getting food and fuel were constant struggles, people fell ill and there was usually enough medicine to go around, but it was frightening.

Hadrian didn't miss Aubade, though. It was a thought that constantly surprised him. Life was easy and good there, but his family wasn't there. His friends weren't there. Noone needed him there and it was impossible to find work to do.

For now, Hadrian had seated himself on a log outside the university's standard walls, where he could see the shimmering barrier that protected the inhabitants from the heat and the dark. Even knowing that Samothes couldn't hear him, Hadrian closed his eyes for a brief prayer. He couldn't help himself. It was habit to pray when he was uncertain or frustrated, or just because he wanted to feel like a part of something larger.

Someone sat down next to Hadrian, and his eyes blinked open in surprise. Fero could have snuck up on him, but whoever leaned against his side was larger than Fero. Plus, Fero would have tried to scare or impress him.

A glance confirmed that it wasn't Fero at all. Hadrian looked away.

"My apologies."

"It's not your fault," Samot said, his voice a fond sigh, "I was listening for you."

"It's just habit," Hadrian said, feeling sad and quite uncomfortable about it, "I didn't mean to bring up painful memories."

Samot chuckled and leaned back, looking up at the sky, "You'll always be his, but he's a little bit mine and so are you. It's not so painful as you might think."

Hadrian didn't know what to say to that. He had to tell Samot. "I. I have to tell you..."

"No, you don't," Samot said, interrupting Hadrian, "I know."

For some reason, that rocked Hadrian more deeply than the truth of things. It should be a relief that Samot somehow already knew Samothes was out of contact and would remain that way, but it was simply jarring. Samot chuckled and closed Hadrian's gaping jaw.

"I owe the archivist a great favor, on both our behalfs."

"Lem?" Hadrian asked, his voice strangled with disbelief.

Samot splayed his fingers across his own face, the gesture indicating something around the eyes, "There's a mask. It wasn't made to allow the wearer to speak to me, but he is Ingenuity Alive. He made it work."

"A mask...?" Hadrian hadn't realized Lem had such a thing. There had been a mask, distant years ago, but Hadrian remembered it badly. Hadrian mostly remembered the crown.

Samot nodded, "Yes. He told me." Samot's hand dropped to the log as he looked out over the wilderness. "He told me he's as happy there as he can be. There's people he cares for. He's changed so much. I'm proud of him." There was a moment of silence in which Hadrian had the panicked fear that Samot would start crying, but that never happened.

Instead, he looked at Hadrian again, expression fond, "So when you speak to him, it will be me who listens. Me who hears." He reached out a gentle hand to cup Hadrian's face. "Me who guides. Will you accept that?"

Hadrian wanted to say yes. He wanted to fall into obedience and doing what he was told, all over again. Instead, he shifted away from Samot's hand.

"I can't. He told me to be my own man. Think for myself. Do for myself and care for my friends. For their sake. Not his. Not yours. Not mine." Hadrian felt unexpected tears welling up in his eyes. Damn, he was the one crying, not Samot. He hugged his sword to his chest, burying his face in the leather of the scabbard. He heard Samot's sympathetic sigh, felt a warm hand holding his shoulder a moment, then rubbing his back.

"You are his paladin," Samot kindly pointed out, "The one most willing to act in the ways he would want to act if he were here to do it."

"I should miss him and I don't," Hadrian replied, "I should miss that paradise city, but I don't. I shouldn't be crying over having lost him, but I am. I am more confused than I have ever been in my life and the only certainty I have is that he will never answer me again,"

Samot made an acknowledging sound and sat with Hadrian in silence until Hadrian's tears finally cleared up. Then he stood up. Hadrian looked up in confusion and found the god offering him a hand.

"On your feet," Samot directed. "It's time for you to go home, Hadrian."

"I can't--Velas isn't--"

"Not Velas," Samot scoffed, taking Hadrian's hand and pulling him to his feet. Samot pointed, prompting Hadrian to turn and look back at the university. "Look at the tallest tower."

Hadrian looked.

He saw Benjamin high up there, far above everything else. He could see the look on Benjamin's face, the way he absently turned to talk to one of the oni boys. That one was called something after a bird. Robin, maybe? But the oni boy leaned in close to say something. Hadrian couldn't hear the words, but he could see his mouth moving.

"My eyes aren't this good," Hadrian murmured and Samot hummed assent.

"But mine are. And I want you to know where your home is. It's with your family, Hadrian. It always was. You should be with them."

Hadrian remembered, with a sudden and painful lurch in his chest, that Samothes and Samot had a child. He didn't know everything, but he'd heard enough to realize that something unpleasant had happened to the child. Hadrian's son had grown up, but he was alright. He was a good man.

"You're right," Hadrian decided, after a moment's thought. He looked at Samot, whose expression was a mix of wistful and sad. "And if I want to speak to you? Not for guidance or as Samothes' paladin..."

"I'll hear you," Samot assured.

Hadrian went home.


End file.
